Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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