I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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