Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
