i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i now understand why vodka
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
