God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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