I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
