I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
