You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone shattered a urinal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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