check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
