No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
