Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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