your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
