All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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