Buhtt sex?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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