the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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