"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
