What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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