Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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