I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
