omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need to calm my uterus...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
