would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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