i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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