I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
