She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize