Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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