so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
