I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
