You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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