Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
