this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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