Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
