Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
