Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
as a side note pls kill me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
