Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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