I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
