Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
