i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
