I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
