I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
