So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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