i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
