The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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