One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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