party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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