Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
