i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
