I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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