so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
