i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
