So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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