just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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