I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
