If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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