At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
