and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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