My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
