You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
