You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
