i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
