when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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