It's like God shit irony all over that family
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
