I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize