if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
