my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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