i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
